In the tradition of Ted Tripp (Shepherding a Child’s Heart) and Lou Priolo (Teach Them Diligently), Ginger Plowman has written an excellent book on parenting with clear, well-organized material and many practical examples.

 

 

Synopsis of the book

Plowman reminds parents to focus on the hearts of their children, not merely on the outward behavior.  We must desire that our children love Jesus Christ.  Parents, in their reproof and chastisement must draw out the issues of the heart. 

 

Plowman offers four chapters on how to give biblical reproof.  She emphasizes the need to use Scripture, shows how to respond to a child who manipulates, and gives practical guidelines for verbally correcting children.

 

The last for chapters discuss the biblical responsibility of spanking.  Plowman answers objections, inspires confidence in parenting God’s way, outlines the appropriate biblical principles, and offers many helpful suggestions.

 

 

Strengths

I appreciate the practical examples.  It is often hard for parents to know how biblical principles are to be carried out.  Parents wonder, for example, how they should actually respond when their child tries to manipulate them.  Plowman gives many concrete examples.

 

I appreciate the exaltation of motherhood.  The world in which we live – often even the Christian world – looks down on mothers who stay at home.  Often new mothers are discouraged when they realize they will devote every day, 7 days a week, to parenting.  They may feel like they can’t really accomplish anything with their lives.  That is the way the world looks at it.  The Bible gives us a much different perspective on motherhood.  It is a high calling!  Plowman gives much encouragement along these lines.

 

I appreciate the reminders that God teaches parents and they teach their children.  The parent’s responsibility to discipline their children can be a trial God uses to discipline His children – the parents.  Parents must have this perspective.

 

I appreciate the emphasis on Christ and His gospel.  Parenting must be Christ-centered.  Parents must seek to please Christ and help their children to please Christ.  Also, parenting must be gospel-centered.  The goal of the parent is to help their children to understand and embrace the gospel.  Plowman does well to warn parents about giving children a false assurance of salvation (p. 142) though they desire their children to have peace of mind.

 

 

Points I question

Though minor, I will mention some things I question.

 

Forcing teachable moments.  Plowman speaks of the value of “teaching in the context of the moment” (teaching in the milieu, or circumstances and surrounding in which one finds himself), but then relates a time where she “was trying to force a teachable moment” with her son (p. 61, see also p. 60).  I certainly agree that parents should strive to teach their children in the milieu of everyday life.  But, I believe parents should teach all the time – not just in the milieu.  Teaching that is not in the milieu can still useful.  I think Plowman would agree but she doesn’t make it abundantly clear – I don’t think.  How can a parent “force” a “teachable moment”?  I say parents should look for every opportunity to teach their children.  If they think they have an opportunity, but child doesn’t get the truth, that’s okay.  They have tried. 

 

Only reproof when the sin doesn’t characterize the child.  Plowman says there are 2 occasions when spanking is not appropriate – only reproof: (1) “When the child has not been informed of the parent’s standard” (p. 77).  (2) “When the child is not characterized by the sin in which he was caught” (p. 78).  I don’t like the wording of the second occasion.  How can a parent determine if the sin characterizes their child?  How many times must the child commit the sin before it “characterizes” him?  Why not discipline before it characterizes him so that it doesn’t characterize him? 

 

When parents give a command for the first time to their child, it seems appropriate to give some allowance and warning before he is spanked for disobeying that command.  But, I believe you should spank long before the sin “characterizes” the child.

 

Bribery.  Plowman, in discussing worldly methods used to get children to obey mentions bribery (p. 101).    She says, “Children should be taught to obey because it is right and because it pleases God, not to get a reward.  Give them a reward in order to get them to obey encourages them in selfishness” (p. 101).  I agree the bribery is sinful.  But, there is a biblical use of rewards.  I don’t think she makes this clear enough.  God gives His children rewards and it is not bribery.  So, bribery is not simply offering a reward to get someone to obey.  It is bribery if a reward is offered as motivation without and instead of the pleasure of God as motivation.  God doesn’t offer rewards as the primary motivation to obey Him.  In parenting, we must address the heart of children.  We must encourage children to please God from the heart.

 

Spanking too hard if you leave bruise.  Plowman says, “Please note that if you ever leave a bruise on your child, you are spanking too hard” (p. 115).  I must disagree with this.  A parent may have to leave a bruise.  Plowman’s guideline is without biblical basis.  The parent obviously should try not to bruise.  Plowman later says about a “spanker,” “Use something with a little flex so that it stings without bruising.” That’s a helpful suggestion.

 

 

Conclusion

I hate mentioning at the end the points I question.  It may leave you with a bad impression.  I hope not.  The book is excellent over all.  I highly recommend it.

 

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