This book comes from a series of sermons preached by John MacArthur on Ephesians 5-6.  While there is much more that could be said, this book is a great overview and introduction to the biblical view of the family. 

 

A Short Summary of the Book

 

The book has five chapters.  The first chapter looks at the family as a whole.  MacArthur expounds on the overarching command of Ephesians 5:21 where the apostle Paul says everyone is to submit to one another.  MacArthur calls this “mutual submission” and shows how this is the result of being filled with the Spirit in Ephesians 5:18.  Mutual submission calls for humility in all relationships.  It does not mean that the role distinctions and authority structures are abdicated. 

 

The second chapter deals with wife’s role of submitting to her husband.  MacArthur doesn’t limit his study to Ephesians but takes a look at 1 Peter 3:1-2, Titus 2:3-5, and Proverbs 31.  MacArthur makes it clear that submission does not mean slavery, the wife is called to submit to her own husband (not all men in general), the wife must submit to her husband in all things except for sin, and the woman’s calling is fulfilled in the home. 

 

The third chapter deals with the husband’s responsibility to love his wife.  MacArthur defines love, discusses the motive of love and the manner in which the husband is love his wife.  He emphasizes that love is deliberate (rather than merely a feeling).  Also, the husband is to love his wife by guarding, providing for, respecting, and leading his wife.

 

The fourth chapter deals with children’s responsibility to obey their parents.  MacArthur talks about how obedience is not natural.  A child must learn to obey, and when he does, he enjoys God’s blessing.  MacArthur says the promise in Ephesians 6:3 to children that obey (“that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth”) was “a divine pledge to the Israelites as a nation” (p. 86).  MacArthur says “for individuals” it is a “maxim” and a “truism,” but “not a guarantee” (p.86).

 

The fifth chapter deals with the parents’ responsibility to nurture and admonish their children without provoking them.  MacArthur has a helpful list of ways in which parents sometime provoke their children.  He goes on to explain how parents should teach and train their children.  He emphasizes the need to teach children the gospel and to address the heart.

 

Weaknesses

 

While I don't see many weaknesses in the book, let me mention a few.

 

Submission or obedience?

In discussing the role of the wife, MacArthur distinguishes between “submitting” and “obeying.”  He says,

Notice also that the word submit is not the word obey.  What it calls for is an active, deliberate, loving, intelligent devotion to the husband’s noble aspirations and ambitions.  It does not demand blind, fawning, slavish kowtowing to his every whim.  The Greek word for “obey” would be hupakouo, and that is what Paul demanded of children in 6:1 and slaves in 6:5 (p. 32).

This is confusing to me.  It seems as though MacArthur equates obedience with “blind, fawning, slavish kowtowing” to someone.  If he isn’t saying this, then what is he saying?  Certainly, this is not what obedience is.  Are children supposed to obey their parents blindly?

 

Is there really a need to distinguish between submission and obedience?  Whatever the difference is, it can’t be that significant.  First Peter 1:6 says Sarah “obeyed” Abraham.  Peter seemed to use the two words (submit and obey) synonymously. 

 

Submission to only “her own husband?”

On page 45, MacArthur discusses the wife’s role of working inside rather than outside the home.  He goes on to say,

This principle is germane to the idea of being submissive to “your own husband,” because if you are a wife who has a career outside the home, in all likelihood, you’re in circumstances that require you to be submissive to someone besides your own husband.

While I agree that the wife’s role is working inside the home, I can’t see the cogency of his reasoning that the wife is to submit to “her own husband.”  Is a wife supposed to submit to her own husband only?  Doesn’t she have to submit to others even if she works inside the home?  Doesn’t she have to submit to the elders in her church?  Does she have to submit to the government?  When she submits to other men such as elders and policemen, is there a problem? 

 

A promise or a truism?

On page 86, MacArthur explains that the promise that children who obey will be blessed by God in regard to the quality and length of life is a “truism” for individuals since it was given to the nation of Israel.  While I agree that every child who obeys will not necessarily live a long life, I wish MacArthur would give more explanation for his conclusion.  Why is a promise to Israel mean it is a maxim for individuals?

 

Strengths

 

The weaknesses listed above are small, in my mind.  I like the book.  I think it is an excellent overview of the biblical teaching on the family.  It is biblical.  MacArthur is not sharing his own ideas or “wisdom.”  He is explaining God’s Wisdom on the issues.  Incidentally, I am really tired of the claim of grandparents sharing their advice about marriage and parenting while calling it “wisdom” simply because they have had many experiences.  People need to hear what God says about life, not insights gleaned from experiences by people who have forgotten (1) they are humans with sinful hearts which distort things and (2) God’s Word is sufficient so that we are “adequate and thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). 

 

Conclusion

We need more people like MacArthur in whom the Word of Christ richly dwells to teach and admonish in all wisdom (Colossians 3:16).

 

If you want to know what God says about the family, start with this book.  It will guide you to Scripture.  Read it and reap!